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Tuesday, August 12th 2008 at 9:04 pm
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Remember how I was a few months ago?
Where I locked myself in my apartment..didn't eat much...didn't really talk to anyone...didn't laugh...didn't sleep....didn't know how to smile...didn't know what happy even felt like?
remember that?
i do...wanna how?
it's how i feel right now...this is isn't fair.
what is fucking wrong wtih me?
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Monday, July 21st 2008 at 3:46 am
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relationships...are impossible.
i give up.
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Thursday, July 17th 2008 at 6:24 pm
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rejection....
all day every day.
sounds great.
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Tuesday, July 15th 2008 at 11:39 pm
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I'm so nervous about tomorrow.
I've been talking to Eric for a few months now.
I finally get to see him tomorrow for the first time in ...8 months almost.
i'm nervous. very nervous.
I like him a lot...and I'm so used to rejection and being turned down that that's all I feel right now.
I can just see it happening.
I dont know why I'm wasting my time worrying.
People come and go in my life. But I just hope something changes really soon.
I was called a band slut today just because I happen to have a lot of friends in bands.
dude, I was on tour for three fucking months...of course i'm going to make friends.
That doesn't mean i was sleeping with anyone!
People are retarded..but I honestly don't care what they have to say.
I know what I am and I know what I'm not. Everyone else can shut the fuck up.
I'm in an awkward mood and I'm scared shitless. ugh.
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Thursday, July 10th 2008 at 6:05 pm
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i don't understand sometimes.
all of this stuff that's going in my own life.
sometimes i just don't understand why it happeneds.
but i'll deal with it...get over it.
and i'll do just fine.
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Monday, April 21st 2008 at 11:56 am
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im exhausted. the past few days the world we knew has been here.
a few of their shows got cancelled.
all ended up working out for me though because salt the wound messaged me and wants to take me on tour now.
is taking me on tour. i leave tomorrow morning.
i won't be home till july 2ndish. should be fun.
whatever. i'm really excited. this is what i've been waiting for and it's finally happening.
ugh. i even get to go to mexico!!! holy shit! hahaha.
it's like a midwest tour...few cali dates...mexico..then come back for an east coast part of it.
i'm really stoked about this.
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Saturday, April 19th 2008 at 9:37 pm
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going on tour till july 1st.
wooo.
going with salt the wound.
i leave in two days.
can't wait.
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Sunday, April 13th 2008 at 3:33 pm
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was supposed to go bowling last night.
only 2 people were going to play and it was an hour and a half wait.
so we just decided to go to mozzarella's and eat.
then we were going to play monopoly. wtf happened to that?
oh kyle couldn't find it.
that's so unacceptable haha.
whatever. candyland was better anyways.
however, it wasn't as good as it was when i was a kid.
went to matt's after everyone left.
looked up moody little baby on google.
unfortunately, frankie didn't pop up.
came home and went to sleep. not really too interesting of a saturday night.
but it was something to do.
i've been watching kyle play fire emblem since i woke up.
now we're making lunch...and going to continue doing so.
this entry was pointless. i'm bored. whatever haha
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Friday, April 11th 2008 at 8:10 pm
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had a really funny dream last night.
told the person who was in it.
his response was "wow hahahah"
hahahah we rule.
i feel a little better today. however i haven't eaten.
time to go grab some food and wait for paul to come over.
sitting in on a friday night.
it's fun i promise.
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Friday, April 11th 2008 at 12:29 pm
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i thought i was feeling better. but apparently i'm still sick.
i can't eat anything. i get horrible pains in my stomach.
i'm getting really worried. this is not the flu.
fuck.
i had an awkward dream last night.
i'm gonna go tell the person about it right now hahahaha
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Wednesday, April 9th 2008 at 12:50 pm
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ive been really fucking sick the past few days
so i apologize if i haven't kept in touch with some of you.
i've tried going out and getting food with some people.
getting some fresh air.
i have a feeling it's not me being sick anymore.
i think there's something legitimately wrong with my body.
i don't eat much..and when i do i don't think my body is digesting it.
fuck.
i hate doctor's..and i hate driving back to ny.
so i'm not going back.
in other news.
i'm very confused as to actions that are being made toward me with certain dudes these days.
a few dudes.
hm...whatever. hahahaha
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Tuesday, April 8th 2008 at 5:39 pm
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really sick lately.
it sucks.
hanging out.
hanging in there.
whatever.
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Sunday, April 6th 2008 at 12:52 pm
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ive slept a lot the past two days.
i want to go out and do something fun tonight.
i hate that i got sick on the weekend.
now there's nothing to do.
i still have a sore throat but whatever.
lets do something
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Saturday, April 5th 2008 at 1:54 pm
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im not over it.
it'll probably be a while before i'm over it.
i just don't want to cause problems.
i don't let it upset me anymore infront of any of you.
but i think to myself every night.
"jeez, why am i not good enough for you?"
some things will just never change.
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Wednesday, April 2nd 2008 at 3:57 pm
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so i didn't tell anyone i was coming home to visit.
i'm glad i didn't. only a few people know.
i've seen kayla and i've seen justin. that's it.
i really want to see jenn and derek.
but it hasn't worked out yet :(
i have an interview at pacsun on friday. hopefully i'll get the job.
kate needs money haha.
i didn't go to sleep until 8am this morning.
fuck. i suck. hahaha
i guess i'm going to go relax.
i'll see you all tomorrow night.
<333
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Sunday, March 30th 2008 at 9:59 pm
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i'm sad and there are very few reasons for me to be like this.
my mood isn't as bad as it was a month or two ago.
but i'm so lonely. it's really bringing me down.
this really really sucks.
i just want to be happy. so i haven't been letting much get to me.
i've been getting over things a lot easier than i should be lately.
just letting things slide.
i'm so bummed..so sad...and so lonely.
yet i hang out with people almost every day.
i just want to be held. to be cared about.
i want to know i'm worth something..just once.
i'm sick of waiting around.
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Saturday, March 29th 2008 at 11:39 am
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woke up yesterday at 3. how productive.
first time i've slept in like that in a long long time.
Drove to Worcester for Say Anything. Met up with 6 people from home.
It was really nice seeing them.
People were supposed to come over to kyle's but when I got home..kyle was asleep haha.
Aj and his lady friend showed up and then Paul and Eric.
Apparently they were at some party where some kid got the shit kicked out of him and was sent to the hospital.
sounds pretty intense.
eric and i made a bet...he says that in a week and a half i'll be getting drunk with everyone.
he bet me 2 dollars and i'm ready to win my 2 bucks hahaha.
hanging out. not doing much today. what am i doing with my life? hahaha
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Friday, March 28th 2008 at 2:34 pm
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i have done so much for you.
i have never fucked you over in any way shape or form.
and yet i don't matter when you get pissed off?
i could have dropped you and left you last week when I was upset.
But i didn't. I remained being your friend and still trying to help you.
Because I cared and you were like a sister to me.
I don't deserve any of this. I really don't.
I don't understand how out of nowhere you get upset with me.
Is it because of who i was talking to?
I'm really confused. I never once tried to hurt you. So I don't understand why you would want to throw away our friendship.
Other than that:
Last night was fun. Went Grocery shopping with kyle. Ate the most delicious pizza I've ever eaten in my life. Watched AJ and Kyle play video games. blah how boring. And watched no country for old men with Paul. Such a great movie. I want to watch it again today. There were some parts I didn't really understand. So that's on my list of things to do today.
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Tuesday, March 25th 2008 at 6:54 am
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i just got home from montreal.
met new people.
totally have a crush on DL from astrain
hahahah he's so sexy.
ok not a crush but...kinda like a me and bubble thing.
i think they're both so hot but would never even try anything.
i think the fact that dl is getting married probably doesn't help either hahahah.
i'm kidding. i'm not that nuts.
i got to see gates for the first time in months.
he told me that he loved me.
he also told me that he needed to get the fuck out of canada that he needed to get citizenship in the US.
anyone who is smart knows marriage is the easiest way to do that.
I jokingly offered to help him out. told him i could marry him and be with him for 3 years that way he can become a citizen.
i told him that i would allow him to have mistresses so that he didn't have to put up with me.
his response, with the most serious face ever...
"let's be serious, kate. i could handle being married to you. i wouldn't need a mistress"
almost said it so seriously that it kinda almost scared me a bit.
but gates is amazing. i'm almost sorry i stopped talking to him.
i've also come to realize. Fuck Tony. i care about him but i'm not going to try anything anymore. he can bitch and whine all he wants. all he will do is bring the crazy out in me. cause nothing but problems. no fucking fun. it sucks too cause i really do care about him.
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Monday, March 24th 2008 at 3:33 pm
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being happy is near impossible.
i dont know how to make things work anymore.
i seem to be going nowhere real fast.
i have no home. no job. no money. very few true friends. and any guy i fall for is a complete fucking joke. i can't tour because i have a fucking vagina. i'm not a god damn slut. i'm hardworking and trustworthy yet i can't do something i want to do more than anything.
fuck everything right now.
get me the fuck out of this god damn country.
i can't be here anymore.
i'm constantly being let down.
it gets real old, quick.
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